We often ask ourselves, "Who Am I?"
It's an important question, but I think it gets too much attention.
Something that deserves more attention: "Who am I not?"
As women we accuse others of labeling us but so often label ourselves by the negative things we focus on, what we see ourselves lacking or having over people in the media, how we compare to whoever or whatever, the words we say negatively about ourselves and others.
It's funny when we see how silly and trivial much of what we let define us actually is- including objects, inconsequential situations, and feelings of others that we can't control.
Whether you can be honest about it or not, the truth is that those things hold us captive- and they are lies. Nobody who has wisdom to see the lie for what it is holds onto it. So let's name it, and let's let it go, together.
No Plain-Faced Girl, make this your liberation moment. What will you not let define you anymore? What do you need to lessen your grip on to become who you really want to be?
The "Who Am I/What Defines Me?" question can only come after the "Who am I not?/ What will I Not Allow to Define Me?" question. Trust me.
I encourage you to write your own list down, and to keep it near (not to dwell on it), but to call out the lies about yourself when you hear them, to move your focus to the things and the traits that you want to bring closer to who you are.
Here's my list to get us started:
"WHAT I AM NOT/ WHAT WILL NOT DEFINE ME: my body, my grades, my friendships, my family, my roommates, my things, my leather jacket, my clothes, what (list of names) etc think of me, manicures and pedicures, curled hair, make-up, organization or lack there-of, a degree people will be impressed with, A’s or B’s, bigger boobs, smaller thighs, a tinier waist, poetry, funnier jokes, the color of my hair, the state of my complexion, cool musicians, good music, good books, the latest whatever, the price of my computer, notches in my “professor likes me” chart, living in fear of the future, art, big checks, staying in the boat, what hotel I stay in, my current circumstance, the weather, being sweaty when I don’t want to be, lack of raincoat, waiting in lines, a bad picture, a perfect run, the way I look in the morning, how my legs look in a dress, what I’ve said in past relationships..."
*Keep going until you can't think of anything else. Trust me, this is about a 9th of what I could have written down had I wanted to make this the longest blog post ever.
But you will also feel, by God's grace, a burden lift from your heart.
You don't have to be those things. YOU AREN'T THESE THINGS.
Refuse to be defined by things that don't truly matter. You know what they are, just call them out. Lay them bare on a sheet of paper. Refuse to give them power.
Liberate yourselves, my loves.
Now in the places where all of those empty lies once sat,
put truths in their place about what can get you to who you really want to be.
love,
claire
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